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Megan Proverbs

"Ferrian´s Winter: Prologue" by Megan Proverbs

SF&F Picture 18 out of 21 by Megan Proverbs
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The epic story of a boy who brings winter wherever he goes, and his quest to find a sorcerer to help rid him of his curse.

This is a completely brand new and improved version of the prologue. (Now with 60% less cliches and no added colours or flavourings!) Since the previous one was nine years old and not worth fixing, I scrapped it and rewrote a new one from scratch. I've stripped out most of what was in the old version, focusing instead on one single scene and one pov (namely, Osawin's). I've also improved the text size and paragraphing.

Comments, critiques, suggestions, advice, petty grammar nitpicks, random speculation and inane babbling all welcome. ^^
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Ferrian's Winter

Prologue

Life created, life is ended
Past mistakes cannot be mended.



The house lay in ruins. The floor had sunk into a deep crevasse, causing most of the building to sag with it in a V shape, as though a mighty fist had smashed down upon it in some unknown vengeance, breaking its back. Violent red light from a dying sun pierced the cracked west window and gaps in the boards, leaping across a catastrophic jumble of broken furniture and fragmented memories. In a corner, thrown on its side but otherwise unharmed by the destruction, lay a small, white-painted cradle, lovingly crafted by a father's proud hands.

        It was empty.

        Dust hung in the air in a lost, swirling haze, glittering where it struck the sunbeams.

        Silence hung with it, layer upon brooding layer until even the creaks and cracks of the house went still.

        The house that had, until moments before, been a bright and happy home.

        Now there was only dust, and silence.





        A small panting sound broke the sombre serenity, occasionally punctuated by an odd, squeaking moan. A young woman lay buried in the debris, shivering and shuddering and gasping for breath. She was not badly injured, but nevertheless was in a great deal of pain.

        Osawin clutched at her belly, desperate to keep the baby inside a little while longer. She could not have it here: there was no room. Her legs were pinned underneath a heavy sideboard, but thankfully, they did not seem to be broken. She could feel them, and move them a little in the narrow space between the sideboard and the floor. But not much. With every movement, slivers of sharp wood scratched at her skin. If she tried to pull her legs out, she would slice them open.

        She ceased wriggling and lay back on the rubble, blinking tears of fear and frustration out of her eyes, trying to think what to do, trying not to panic. She had no idea what had happened. One moment, she was sweeping up the remains of a broken jug, cursing herself for wasting precious water, an accident she could ill afford in the middle of a terrible drought. Then out of nowhere had come a roaring thunder that trembled the rafters, a strange wash of cold air and the floor simply fell away beneath her feet, and her house had come crashing down around her.

        After that, she had been unconscious for awhile-- she wasn't sure how long, but the sun was much lower than it had been-- until sudden wrenching pains had brought her around. It was as though the baby sensed danger and was struggling to escape.

        Osawin felt an increasing need to do the same.

        "Not now," she begged her unborn child. "Please, sweetheart, just a little longer… Daddy will be home soon…"

        She swallowed back the wave of despair that flooded through her, biting her lip at her own lie. Jace was, in fact, two days away in the nearest town, looking after the casualties of the drought. The summer was only halfway through, but already it had claimed a shocking number of lives-- both people and livestock-- through heat stroke and disease. As the only accomplished healer within a hundred miles, Jace was in huge demand. Osawin worried constantly that he would work himself to death, but he steadfastly ignored her warnings and advice. He was the most selfless person she had ever met, which was why she loved him so much, but his obsession with helping those around him whatever the cost sometimes frightened her.

        Nevertheless, he had promised her that he would be back for the birth, and even if he weren't, the midwife would look after her. The last she had seen of him, he'd kissed and hugged her and ridden off into the heat haze, and she had felt slightly resentful ever since.

        She was ashamed of herself. He was her husband, not her property. Other people needed his help, sometimes. No one else could do what he did.

        She wiped away her tears determinedly, and then gasped as her body was racked by another contraction. She rode out the pain and was left curled over awkwardly, heaving for breath and shaking. Swallowing back her pride, Osawin began screaming for help.

        It didn't last long, as the gritty dust-filled air stuck in her throat, making her choke and cough. She lay back and listened.

        Nothing could be heard.

        Nothing at all, save her own ragged breathing and thundering heartbeat.

        For the first time, true fear settled on Osawin's face, along with the dust. The township of Ness should not be so quiet, even after an earthquake. There should have been the sounds of people clambering out of collapsed cottages, calling out for missing relatives, dogs barking, children crying…

        Something.

        Silence.

        The sunlight blazing in through the gaps in the planks that cris-crossed over her head seemed, all of a sudden, much more malevolent and sinister.

        She stared up at the light. It was deeply red, the most vivid sunset she could remember. And now that she opened her senses properly, there were other oddities as well: strange coloured patterns mingling with the dust, and whispers…

        Osawin stopped breathing, and strained her ears to listen. It sounded like human voices, but she could not discern from which direction it was coming.

        "Is anyone there?" she cried. "Please, help me! I need help! Please!"

        No one replied, but the whispering continued. No, it's not someone talking, she decided, it was someone chanting or singing, very quietly. But it sounded strange, warped, as though she was hearing it from underwater.

        The sound grew louder, flitting all around her like an invisible, musical butterfly, then faded away. Osawin looked around, unsettled, wondering if her mind was failing. Then she noticed something else.

        There was frost in the shadows.

        She had assumed her shivering was due to shock, but now she realised that in fact the air itself was very cold. Far colder than it should have been on a midsummer's evening. And it was getting colder as the minutes passed and the sun sank lower. Even as she watched, the frost gathered and spread, creeping outwards with feathery fingers over the debris.

        It seemed to be concentrated around her body, as though somehow emanating from her. Osawin reached out and touched a plank, and was startled when her fingers left icy white prints on the wood.

        She almost dissolved into complete panic, then. But she remembered her husband's face, and took hold of herself. Jace would want her to be strong, and brave, and practical-- not get carried away with wild imaginings, or lay pining for him. Their little baby was about to enter the world: her first and only concern was to keep it safe. Nothing else mattered.

        Osawin made a decision. Jace wasn't here. No one was coming to help her. She wasn't sure if anyone even knew she was here. She had no idea where the midwife was. The old woman had gone down to the market for onions, but had not returned. Perhaps she had been injured in the tremor…

        But she couldn't think about that now.

        Pushing herself into as much of a sitting position as her situation would allow, Osawin began shoving at the sideboard that held her legs trapped.

        It might as well have been made of stone, for all it moved. She tried shifting the bits of rubble propping it up, but instantly abandoned that idea when the heavy cabinet suddenly slipped a quarter of an inch lower onto her legs, causing her heart to leap into her throat. Searching around herself in desperation, she found a flat board behind her head and tried to lever it into the crack beside her legs, but it snapped. She pulled the pieces out and threw them angrily away, and sat for a minute with her teeth chattering despite the sweat running down her face, and considered her options.

        She tried moving her legs again, but however which way she turned them, the sharp-edged wood splinters dug into her skin, like the teeth of some hungry beast, holding her fast.

        But there was no help for it.

        Bracing herself as best she could, Osawin took several deep breaths and then ripped her leg free. She cried out with the pain, gritted her teeth and forced herself to pull it out all the way. Blood leaked down her leg from deep lacerations, but she ignored it. The other limb was slightly easier to dislodge.

        Having finally freed herself, the young woman climbed unsteadily to her feet, throwing planks out of the way as she did so, and began to limp and stumble over the rubble.

        Fallen rafters blocked the front door and the passage to the kitchen was equally impassable, so she made her way towards the window in the west wall, through which the last trickle of sunlight was pouring. By the time she got there, the sun had sunk below the distant dry hills, leaving cold blue shadows in its wake. Exhausted, Osawin slumped against the buckled wall, panting. Another contraction gripped her, leaving her feeling dizzy and ill. A trail of blood had followed her across the room. Belatedly, she realised she should have tended to her wounds before exerting herself, but she was so desperate to get out of there…

        Wearily, she picked up a lump of wood and hammered the broken glass shards out of the window, and climbed through. She fell in a heap on the ground below, and started dragging herself through the churned up dirt and weeds towards the open road, where someone might see her.

        The town was still eerily quiet. No one ran out to help. There was no one to be seen, anywhere. Through her blurred, spinning vision, Osawin thought she could make out lumps that looked like bodies slumped across the road ahead, but she couldn't be sure.

        She sobbed her terror into the dust. What if everyone was dead?

        She used up the last of her strength giving birth. When it was over, she lay on her back gazing up at the sky. It had turned purple, like a great bruise, and it was going black and fuzzy at the edges…

        She became aware suddenly that her baby was not making any noise. She struggled to turn her head, to look at it, to see if it was all right. She could see it laying there in the dirt-- a tiny little helpless thing. A beautiful thing...

        A little boy.

        A son, I have a son. Please, don't let him be dead… Tears spilling from her eyes, she reached for him, her fingers scraping the dust…

        A black shadow fell across her. It took her a few moments to realise that she had not lost consciousness, that the shadow was cast by something standing over her.

        She lifted her head, and froze in horror.

        It was a hideous creature, like something out of a terrible ghost story. It walked upright in parody of a Human, but its head was sleek and reptilian, like a Dragon. Great black, tattered wings curved over its head, with dagger-like claws poised at the tips. Its eyes were narrow, yellow and pitiless, with slitted pupils. It blinked its double-lidded eyes and cocked its head, as though contemplating how best to savage her.

        Then its eyes shifted to the infant.

        Weak as Osawin was, nothing could have prevented the scream that burst out of her. She lunged for her son, but the creature plucked him out of the dirt like a biscuit crumb. Either the sound of his mother's anguished wail or the sudden movement shook life into the child, and he began bawling as well.

        The creature held him between long black talons, dangling by one tiny arm. Its nostrils flared at the scent of blood and its jaws parted, drool leaking from them.

        Osawin knew she had no hope of fighting the creature in her pitiful state. She could do nothing but collapse on the ground, trying to look away. Let me die, let me die, she prayed. Don't make me watch!

        Then something hummed out of nowhere, glancing off the creature's scaly snout. It whirled immediately, snarling and hissing like a cat, its wings flaring out.

        Osawin lifted her grimy, tear-streaked face out of her hands just enough to catch sight of two small figures on the other side of the road; just children, by the looks of them, with bare feet and dusty, baggy clothing. One of them was clutching a hunting bow and firing arrows at the creature. "Leave them alone!" he shouted bravely, though his voice was shaky and his aim faltered under the creature's piercing glare. His bow was wobbling all over the place.

        One of the arrows added another hole to the creature's wing, but it didn't seem to notice. Instead, it bared its formidable coal-black incisors and advanced on the children, taking Osawin's screaming child with it. The boy lost his nerve and stumbled backwards.

        Just then, the second figure, who was even slighter than the first, darted out of the shadows. Osawin was astonished to see what appeared to be a very small girl wielding a very large blade, so heavy that she could barely lift it out of the dirt. Osawin tried to scream out a warning, but the boy took the words from her throat.

        "Ana, NO!"

        But it was already too late. With heartbreaking courage but tragic clumsiness, the little girl swung the sword at the looming black creature. Without flinching it lashed at her face, sending blood arcing from its talons, felling her instantly.

        Crying with grief, the boy dropped his bow and fled.

        Presented with more entertaining prey, the creature discarded the infant and started to give chase, when a brilliant white light flared up out of nowhere.

        It happened so suddenly that Osawin gasped, and was forced to squint against the glare. The creature appeared to be stuck in the glow of light like a moth in a flame. It let out the most terrible shriek she had ever heard, and would ever hear-- like metal tearing through her, and then it began to disintegrate. Its wings fell apart and the flesh was stripped from its body, leaving only a black skeleton and then that, too, was consumed until nothing at all remained in the glare that filled the world.

        Osawin felt as though the light was consuming her, too. She wanted to close her eyes but could not, even though the pain was blinding her.

        The light was too beautiful, too intense, too terrible…





        In the darkness, hands passed over the young mother's staring, awestruck eyes. Then they went to a small bundle of cloth, carefully pulling back the folds to reveal a tiny face. Reflected by the light of distant torches, its eyes glittered like miniature stars.

←- Winning Ticket | Ferrian's Winter: Chapters 01-03 -→

DateNameComment 
14 Nov 2007:-) Sarah J Kinder
Very nicely written I think. Overall very lovely description lots of tension . . etc. However there were several points where the action just jumped and you only had tiny paragraphs in-between. It might be helpful if you put in a bit of summary or possibly cut down the story leaps to one. The action got pretty fuzzy at the end as well but I assume that's at least partially intentional. Anyway will try to get a look at your other sections. 2

-S

:-) Megan Proverbs replies: "Hmm, places where the action jumps... Okay, I'll take another look at it. The ending is supposed to be vague, yes, for plot reasons. Can't say much about the white light or mysterious person that found Ferrian without some serious spoilering. 12 Thanks a lot for commenting!"
20 Dec 2007:-) Jermaine Leroy Joseph
I found this prologue highly engrossing, and think I'll wait to get the answers to my questions from the coming chapters. I'm wondering about the manner of races on this world you've created and see what other characters you'll introduce. Good job, hope you keep writing.
Besides, you can't stop yet.

:-) Megan Proverbs replies: "Thank you! I'm still writing, slowly. ^^; I've actually written 51 chapters but I had to take them down for major editing."
16 May 2008:-) Daniel 'Bear' Houghton
I liked it! Really well written. I kind of agree that the action is slightly jumpy... I know what it is, its the word ’then’. It’s a really strange word, if you start a paragraph with it, it turns what should be one scene into lots of smaller ones making it appear that your story jumps from one scene to the other. At least, that what i think it is...

Brilliant proloue though, leaves you intrigued and impatient for more. Lots of unanswered questions and a healthy desire to have them answered. Time for part 1 i think, i shall see you there.

Dan.

:-) Megan Proverbs replies: "Okay, thanks very much. 1"
28 Feb 2009:-) Colton Hamshire
I enjoyed it. Very well-written piece. The actions does seem to jump around at times. Also I want to point out that you said this creature was big. The creature picked up her newborn child and then simply ’discarded’ it later. The newborn is fragile, and I don’t think the creature is sympathetic enough to gingerly discard of the newborn. Maybe you should describe that a little better. But otherwise I really enjoyed it.

:-) Megan Proverbs replies: "Okay, I’ll try and do something about the jumpy action thing. What I meant by the creature ’discarding’ the infant was that it lost interest in the child and tossed it away/dropped it carelessly like someone would with a piece of litter. (The other kids were more fun because they were trying to attack/threaten it).

Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it. ^^"
20 Jun 2009:-) Meg J Milano
Wow. very good, And a really original idea. Great job! I feel so bad for Osawin, and Ana. This is a book I would buy. The only issue I could find, was just a little too much description packed into single sentences. It’s only a picky thing though. I loved it!

:-) Megan Proverbs replies: "Yeah, I do tend to prefer to be slightly overdescriptive than underdescriptive, just my personal style. ^^ Thanks for commenting and enjoying my story. I’m glad you think it’s original, as the first draft was packed with a lot of corny cliches, and I tried really hard to do something more interesting with the rewrite. The main character being born in the prologue is still a bit typical, but I can only hope that the suspense and empathy for the characters makes up for it. ^^"
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About 'Ferrian's Winter: Prologue':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Megan Proverbs
 • Copyright: ©Megan Proverbs. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Mother, Baby, Magic, Earthquake, Disaster, Novel
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 719


More by 'Megan Proverbs':
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Ferrian's Winter II, Grath Ardan: Chapters 03-04
Warra-Wirri's Wings
Mercury Eye
The Name on the Tower: part 1
Nightdance
Ferrian's Winter: Chapters 01-03
Winning Ticket
Mercury III: part two

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